Reject fear, choose love. This is a popular refrain and wonderful advice. Many believe that there are only two primal emotions in the human being, love and fear, and that we can’t feel both at once. And in the same way that light removes darkness, love can remove fear. The choice to reject fear and choose love can feel like something that only applies to moments of crisis, whether we’re leaving a marriage, starting a new business, or preparing to climb Mount Everest. But in truth, the opportunity to choose love and reject fear presents itself in the smallest moments of life, and specifically, in relationships with those closest to us. We hurt each other in intimate relationships—intentionally and unintentionally. That’s a fact. Sometimes, if we’re lucky, we discover that we have hurt the other person when they come to us and share their pain, express their experience, and verbalize what we said or did that …