By James Lileks
From Star Tribune
A new ad for Pop-Tarts has revealed the depths to which our once-proud civilization has fallen. It ran on Reddit.
“Split it. Crust first. Straight from the foil. ‘The only’ civilized way to eat Pop-Tarts.”
Raw. In other words, Pop-Tartare.
Sophisticated? Really? It’s one thing to say that cold Tarts are for people who’ve had a long day and don’t feel like cooking, but don’t pass this off as the equivalent of someone having high tea with a pinky extended.
If eating uncooked, processed-pastry shingles is sophisticated, it suggests there is an element of savagery involved in heating the confection. Imagine the opening sequence to “2001: A Space Odyssey,” except the hooting, confused monkeys are capering around a toaster instead of a mute black monolith. One of them sticks his pastry in the slot, and they all stand in amazement as the machine heats up. Finally the Pop-Tart is flung from the slot into the sky, where it turns into a spaceship while “The Blue Danube” plays.
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