Sailor Lawrence Markworth was eager to jump in the whaleboat to help search for a downed American pilot in the ocean near Vietnam in 1964. The war was in full swing. “We spotted a helmet bobbing in the water, and it looked like he was alive. We were all excited: ‘We’re going to rescue a pilot. This is so cool,'” he recalled. “We get up to him … but he was dead. I remember everybody hoisting him aboard, and the ship was just silent. It was … I don’t know, these things are still difficult to talk about.” The pilot’s death brought back the death of his father, for which he blamed himself. A week before his deployment, Markworth had performed CPR on his father at home. His father didn’t survive, and Markworth carried his grief and self-blame into his deployment. He returned stateside two years later at age 20 …