We often hear that forgiveness is an act of kindness for ourselves, that if forgiveness benefits the one we are forgiving, that’s an added benefit. And yet one of the obstacles we face in forgiving someone is that we do not wish them well and, in fact, we want them to suffer because of what they did. The idea that the other person could feel better due to our forgiveness is challenging and precisely what we want to prevent. We imagine that not forgiving them is a form of punishment, a way of being in control of a situation that we didn’t feel we had control over.  At a primal level, we imagine that not forgiving is a form of wound care, proof that our suffering still exists and forever matters. Not forgiving is a way of validating and honoring our own hurt. We especially believe this when the one we believe hurt …