Sarah, Jon’s girlfriend of three years, experiences Jon as “bafflingly defensive.” Jon responds that he has been called “defensive” by every woman he’s ever dated. Not surprisingly, he denies his own defensiveness, and blames his ex-girlfriends for being demanding, impossible to please, aggressive, and his favorite criticism: controlling. According to Sarah, just trying to tell Jon about something he said that was hurtful is a monumental challenge. Jon’s first defense is to deny it; he simply didn’t say what she heard him say. According to Jon, she has distorted his words or made it up. If Sarah holds her ground, Jon then insists that she look at her own behavior—what she did to make him say what he said. At other times, he launches into a diatribe about what she’s doing to him at that moment, how her current complaint is an aggression on him. If Sarah continues, Jon then goes on full attack; he shakes his head in disgust and says things …